Day 6 - To Dive or Not to Dive - That is the Question!

In terms of anecdotes to share that were "blogworthy" -Friday was a relatively quiet day.

After breakfast I went to the beach for my morning snorkel.  The reef was teeming with life and activity and all the usual suspects were well represented.

Around lunchtime I met Bary and we went down to the dive centre to have a chat with the guys there - but more about that in a moment.

And later that afternoon, an almost perfect snorkel was very nearly cut horribly short (decapitation will do this) by 2 young people on a Jet Ski who seemed oblivious to the people in the water.

They ignored the markers, which guide the boats away from the reef and appeared to be taking absolutely no notice of the people on the dive centre dock who were jumping up and down screaming at them.

The only saving grace is that water carries sound really really well, so you can hear a boat/jet ski coming when it's miles away.  This gives you plenty of time to take evasive action and find somewhere sandy and shallow to stand up. You can then join in with the shouting, screaming and arm waving - jumping up and down wearing fins is not to be recommended.

Having survived that trauma, my lovely little relaxing snorkel was interrupted by 3 completely irresponsible youngsters, who had entered the water where the top of the reef is pretty close to the surface and were stomping all over the coral. 

I would have thought that anyone with half a brain and the ability to read, would know that the world's coral is in a desperate state.  It takes hundreds of years to grow and is incredibly delicate, so touching it, even with the tip of your fin, is an absolute no no.  I snorkel very carefully and have never touched a piece of coral - even by accident, so you can imagine how furious I was.    They all stopped for a little chat when the water was deep enough to swim and I thought "phew thank goodness" but then they started playing around, bouncing up and down and running away from each other.  I was horrified and had I been a bit closer and able to speak Russian, I would have said something, but whether they would have understood or even listened - who knows!  I'm convinced they were related to the Jet Ski riders!

So that was it - another lovely relaxing day in paradise.

Ah, I hear you say - but what about the diving Maz?

In my last post, I explained how the "chat at the dive centre" came up and what prompted me to consider it.  But to fully understand the enormity of what I was considering, you really need to know about the nightmare in Honduras.

So here we go.......

In 2014, learning to scuba dive was right up near the top of my bucket list and for some bizarre reason  I decided to do my PADI Open Water Diver course on Roatan, an island off Honduras.  The place I chose was a dedicated Dive resort, so should have been perfect, apart from the fact they didn't have a swimming pool.

In order to tell this tale, I'm going to share the emails I sent to my close family and friends, describing the events as they happened.  Please be aware that my language is strong at times - so if you are easily offended you should stop reading now.  The response I got from the recipients was so positive, they became the catalyst for me to start writing.

I hope you enjoy them........

Hi all,

Day 2 in Roatan and my first day of "Diving" is coming to a close, so I thought I'd give you a little update.

Well I think my time clock is adjusting but it's still way off base.  I fell asleep at about 10.00 pm last night (unheard of for me) but woke up at 4.00 and couldn't get back to sleep ( no change there then).  So by about 3.30 this afternoon I was seriously flagging which is not great when you are trying to learn new skills in 10 feet of water carrying 6.5 kilos in weights and a fucking great tank on your bank.  Anyway I think I did ok overall despite a couple of dodgy moments. 

Dodgy moment number 1:-

My instructor had to keep adding weights because I just wouldn't sink - he was very polite about it and kept muttering that everyone was different and it would better once I learned to control my breathing.  What he really meant of course is that I've got so much fat and blubber it was going take all the weights in the dive shop to get me on the bottom.  We got there in the end, but if I'm going to carry on with this and save myself years of humiliation in dive shops all over the world, I seriously need to lose some weight!!

Dodgy moment number 2:-

You have to demonstrate that you can manually inflate your BCD (jackety thing that everything attaches to) in case you run low on air and have to float on the surface for a bit.  So as everyone with dentures knows - blowing things up without sending your teeth flying across the room can be very tricky - you just can't purse your lips that well!!  Well after a few attempts and a still very flat un-inflated BCD he wanted to know if there was a problem.  I racked my brains to think of an acceptable excuse, but my flair for invention deserted me (I blame it on the jet lag) and the next thing I know, I'm telling a complete stranger that I have false teeth.

So the moral of the story is that if you are going to fulfil a lifelong ambition, make sure it's something that doesn't expose your worst bits.

Anyway apart from the fatty/false teeth humiliations, I think it went rather well.

I managed to put all the kit together (there's a lot), get it on without falling over backwards, walk to the water with all my kit on and then wade out about 5 miles ( well that's what it felt like) before starting the scary skills stuff.

• I had to take my regulator out underwater (the bit you breathe through) and let it float away behind me -  NOT hold my breath (or your lungs might explode) and then find the regulator and stick it back in.  Very hard when you brain is screaming "hold your breath - HOLD YOUR BREATH)

• I then had to pretend I had no air and practice all the ways you can survive this traumatic event  (I think pooing your pants is allowed). 

• Next came what I thought would be the easy bit - staying horizontal in the water near the bottom.  Well it's not - it's bloody difficult.  Apparently, I've got floaty feet ( which I'm told is better than sinky feet) which are a real pain when you want to stay down and they want to go up (probably for a glass of wine and a fag in the bar).  This problem becomes even more difficult when you surface -  clearly my feet think that my head is having all the fun above the water and are determined to be up there as well.  Picture a beached whale rolling around and around and you get the picture.

So it was an eventful day and I got through it with only one or two mild panics.  The true test will come when we have to do all that shit again in much much deeper water.

On the plus side, I saw a squid family, a big old lobster and some very pretty fish.  No pictures today, but there's plenty of time to give the new camera a whirl.

Anyway the web cam wave was a relative success so thanks to those of you who tuned in and big apologies to Lottie who waited by her pooter for 45 mins cos I forgot about the time difference between Spain and the UK.

I think I'm going to be quite busy for the next few days but will whatsapp a time if an opportunity presents itself.

Just sitting here with a massive Pina Colada before dinner.  It's happy hour so I think I deserve another.

Love to you all

Mazzy xx

Hi all

As everyone seemed to enjoy yesterdays email, I thought I'd do another one; although I'm not going to promise to do one every day and my spell checker isn't working for some reason - so please forgive the spelling.

I'm back in the bar with another gorgeous Pina Colada - it's only 5.30 here so a bit early to start but as my body is still on Spanish time, I figured it was ok.  So I'm just editing some photos I took today.  So far they are all on land, I've got far too much going on under the water to cope with a camera as well. 

So after a good nights sleep I was up at 5.00 and in the water all kitted up by 8.30 am, feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed and raring to go.

So, most people do their confined water elements in confined water i.e. a swimming pool with sides to hold on to and only a few other swimmers to worry about.  They don't have a pool here, so their definition of confined water is a massive expanse of neck deep water with all sorts of interesting distractions.  

There I am desperately trying to master the neutral buoyancy test - (hovering under the water with fin tips on the bottom - trust me it's tricky) when my instructor says "careful, you are drifting into the boat lane"  - then - "watch out for those sea urchins on the bottom, you really don't want to step on one of those", and 5 mins later "oh look at that Barracuda - don't worry it's only a small one".  Yeah right - it might be small to him, but it looked fucking enormous to me and I particularly liked it's huge pointy teeth.  Result - Heart rate immediately shoots up - breathing becomes faster and my neutral buoyancy stops being neutral and I shoot up to the surface.

Most of the other exercises seemed to involve me taking my regulator out under water and doing stuff, but I coped ok.

We came out for coffee and then it was time for my first open water dive - which was scary, but not as bad as I thought.  We went out from the shore and followed the markers down to the most amazing sight I have ever seen.  The reef is simply stunning and the quantity and variety of coral and fish incredible.  I was so busy looking around me, I hadn't clocked how far down we were, so when we stopped to do the first skill  I happened to glance up.  I really really really shouldn't have done that  but by clenching my buttocks and taking a deep breath I managed not to poo my pants.  My dive computer confirmed I was 37 feet down and now the bastard wanted me to take my bloody regulator out again.  Why don't these people understand you need air to breathe!  Anyway I managed it and felt very proud of myself.  We were down there for 40 minutes and went over the wreck and along the reef wall.  So much to see and so little air to do it with.

At lunch I was feeling confident and extremely pleased with myself and quite looking forward to the afternoon sessions back in the not really very confined water. 

Jim ( the sadist) talked me through what we going to cover and it all sounded ok.  Nothing I can't handle, I thought - I can dive in 37 feet of water - the shallow water stuff will be a doddle.

I should have learned my lesson yesterday - don't get too cocky.  So the thing that was nearly my undoing was the hover.

The idea is to hover in the water above the sea bed but below the surface for 30 seconds without moving your arms or legs.  Sounds simple enough doesn't it?  It was a nightmare.  For some reason I just couldn't stay upright, I kept rolling from side to side and even worse backwards. I tried and tried and tried and tried but every time I got into a position that I thought would work, one part of me would head off in a different direction.

I was close to tears and in the process of deciding this diving malarkey wasn't for me, when I finally cracked it.  I did it in the foetal position 15 seconds on my side and the rest upside down!!  Jim confessed that it was not the most conventional hover he'd ever seen, but was prepared to tick it off.  He then made my day by telling me that I was going to have to do it again TWICE. 

The first - you've guessed it - taking my regulator in and out so I can manually inflate my BCD - for a whole minute.  Neither of is sure how that's going to work if I'm upside down, but apparently we're going to cross that bridge when we come to it.  The second time I'm going to have to do it, is during one of my 4 remaining open water dives, so very deep water.  Well at least I won't have to worry about impaling my head on a sea urchin.

So with my morning confidence shattered we tackled the remaining exercises.

The ones I thought would be OK - weren't and the ones I thought would be tricky were fine.  I had one more mini meltdown, which I confess did involve some tears and it wasn't even a particularly difficult skill - I think I was still suffering from the whole Hover debacle.   Jim was patient and told me to relax and we tried again.  I got everything done except the last exercise on the list.  

He said "I think we'll leave that one for tomorrow", which immediately filled me with dread.  What more possible horrors did he have in store for me?  To stop myself having a sleepless night, I asked what it was.  "You need to pull me along the surface of the water for 25 meters - and I think you are too tired".  

Well actually I disagreed.  I'm a relatively strong swimmer and it was the underwater stuff I was having trouble with,  so I suggested I try it.  He looked doubtful, but reluctantly agreed and I did it - with ease!!!  Clearly unhappy at being proven wrong he said "yes well, of course the current was in your favour".  Bastard!!!

What has really surprised me, is that I thought it would be my state of mind that caused the problems but it's not that at all.  I'm just physically struggling with a lot of the stuff I have to do.

Anyway tomorrow is another day which will no doubt include - Hover - the sequel!!

Love to you all

Maz x

Hiya,

An early update today.  It's 10.30 am and I've thrown in the towel  (or the BCD & regulator to be precise).

As I was sat on the bottom 15 feet down struggling to get my BCD off and back on again  (another ridiculously difficult requirement of the course)  I looked up and saw 2 snorkellers calming swimming around having a lovely time.  I on the other hand was recovering from a major panic attack at depth, was again close to tears and hating every minute of it.  So in the spirit of my new philosophy, which is not to put myself through anything I don't want to - I just decided that scuba diving is far too difficult for me and it was time to call it a day.  I think Jim the sadist is genuinely sorry, but it is what it is and I'm here for me - not to bolster his statistics.

So once I've recovered from the ever present tearfulness, I can relax and get on with my holiday!!!

I'm off to see the photographer guy later to book a class on how to get the best from my camera - which will be fun and later today I'm going to get back to my first love - snorkelling.

Love

Maz xx

Hi all,

I thought I would let you know how I've been getting on since my decision to kick Jim the sadist into touch and give up the diving.

I AM SOOOOO HAPPY.

I've taken several thousand underwater pictures but you will be very relieved to know I've edited them down to just a few hundred to share with you ( actually there are only about 90)

Jim is still speaking to me and has offered to take me out on an assisted dive so I can get some piccy's a little deeper.  I won't have to do any horrid skills or worry about anything - he will take care of all that malarky, so that will be fun.

Love Maz xx

Hiya,

So today was the day when Jim the sadist offered to take me out on an assisted dive.  No scary skills to worry about - no buoyancy issues to bother me - he would take care of all of that.  Well that was the theory anyway.

The first problem was my ears.  You have to keep equalising as you go down, which means that you pinch your nose and blow gently through it - just like you would on a flight.  I had a problem with this earlier in the week but was convinced I had cracked it.  Not so.  I kept blowing and blowing but kept getting a squeaky noise in my ears, which is not supposed to happen.  So we went up and bit and then down again and then up a bit and then down again.  This went on for quite a while and we were both getting a little frustrated, until eventually the squeaking stopped and my ears stopped hurting.

We had decided to go to the CoCoView wall which Jim assured me was really beautiful from down below (I had only seen the top of it); and I'm sure it is beautiful if you can stay horizontal for long enough to appreciate it.  I on the other hand was rolling around like a boat without a rudder and no amount of kicking, sculling, inflating and deflating my BCD seemed to correct it.  If you've ever seen footage of a crocodile when it has prey and goes into a death roll - that was me!

Eventually I managed to stabilise - sort of - and started to relax, until we swam round the edge of the reef and I made a very interesting discovery.

I bet you didn't know that it's possible to get vertigo when you are 30 feet under the water.  Well I certainly didn't and as you all know, I have a morbid fear of heights and sheer drops. 

So  as we come up to a coral outcrop that we have to swim around, I'm suddenly confronted with this vast Blue nothingness, which was accentuated by the wall of coral beside me and I panicked - again!!!!. 

It's strange because I've swum and snorkelled in very deep water before and never had a problem with it, but this morning, I reacted  exactly as I do when driving along a road with drops and no barriers.

This is how it went......

Pant pant pant - oh shit oh fuck - nooooooo - I'm not swimming out over that.

I grab hold of Jim, who does a great job of miming, look into my eyes and breathe.

I mime out of air (cos that's what it felt like). Jim checks my gauge and wags a naughty naughty finger at me.

Pant pant hyperventilate (anyone got a brown paper bag)

I give Jim the thumbs up sign - which means (bizarrely) I'm not OK and I want to go up.  He says no and points to my depth gauge - fuck we're too deep and need to do a safety stop.

Pant pant gulp pant ( apparently with a wild look in my eyes)

I try to swim in a different direction to avoid the big Blue nothingness and he mimes no, we can't get through that way

I do a marvellous impression of a clinging limpet and close my eyes as he guides us around the coral outcrop, over the very very very deep drop off until we were back over the shallower stuff ( still 40 feet down though).

He mimes do you want to go back and I nod so fast my mask nearly flies off.

Needless to say the pictures I took were crap so I've only got 14 to upload.  There is one very fuzzy one and you may wonder why it's there - but if you look very closely  you will see a 6 foot moray eel just heading into a hole in the rock.  The rest are mostly of the ocean bottom at about 30 feet down - just to prove to myself (and everyone else) that I really did it.

Take care all of you

Maz xxx

 Still with me?  So hopefully now you will understand why the thought of strapping on diving kit again has never entered my head - until now!!!!!

Bary walked with me to the Dive centre, introduced me to Shaf  and we sat down so I could share my tale of woe with him.  I stressed that looking back on it now, the main problem for me in Roatan, was that I felt rushed.  It didn't seem to matter how difficult I found one of the skills, the minute I managed to do it, it was ticked off and we were on to the next thing.  So I never really felt comfortable or confident with anything.

Shaf was absolutely lovely - very understanding and promised that if I wanted to give it another go, we could take things very slowly and we definitely wouldn't tackle a new skill until I'd mastered the one before.

This centre worked with SSI (Scuba schools International) as opposed to PADI and there are some differences, but in the end, they both offer a full certificate that allows you to dive anywhere in the world.  The advantage of SSI, from my perspective was that they had an intermediary qualification called Scuba Diver.  This was a shorter, easier course that would still allow you to dive anywhere, but you have to dive under the direct supervision of a Dive Guide and are limited to a maximum depth of 12 metres.  Well given how nervous I was - this would suit me just fine.

So Shaf suggested that I start with an assisted dive, see how that goes and if it went well I could progress to the Scuba Diver certification.  Then if by some miracle that worked OK, I could then carry on to the full blown, all singing, all dancing qualification.

So it was agreed - I would come down at 10.30 the following morning and have another go.  All I had to do was wipe the slate clean, forget all about Honduras and look forward to a fresh start!!!!